Hitting Great Goals

The difference between a great goal and a good goal lies in how you define your relationship with your target which, in turn, decides how committed you will be to it, motivational coach Kelly Poulos tells Evelyn Yap

Greatness and goodness are not means, but ends. So said poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
But the quality of the relationship you have with your goals is what separates what’s great from what’s good, according to international management consultant and performance coach Kelly Poulos.

"Everybody reaches goals at some level," said Ms Poulos, who is the senior executive coach and consultant to AsiaWorks, a leading experiential training and consulting company in the region.
"But the distinction between someone who is really good and someone who is great is not the maintenance of goals or status quo or running 'to do' lists,” she said. It's not even about competencies or skills.

Rather, "it's the way you view your goal — that you have a relationship with it".
The relationship metaphor comes from over 30 years of personnel and professional experience.
Her take: People form a bond with everything, including people, money, success, failure, health and kids.

"The quality of the relationship you have with your goal defines your mood and dictates your actions," she said.

She defines three classes of connections — great, good and "everything else":
• Great: "I’m in and fully committed."• Good: "I’m in."• Everything else: These range from apathetic ("I don’t care whether it happens or not") to victimised ("It’s not my fault"), to resistant ("I’m unwilling") and so on.
In addition, there are four steps in managing the rapport you have with your goal:
1. Define your goal, whether it’s home, health, work or a project.

2. Ask where you are in your relationship with that goal: Do you say "I’m in and fully committed" (great), "I’m in" (good), or do you feel apathetic or resistant (everything else)?

3. Find a reason to care about that relationship, be it your family, kids or success.

4. The minimum you should aim for is a "good" relationship. The best: A great relationship. Commit to substituting "the" goal for "my" goal. Work at the bond.
To illustrate, Ms Poulos cited her own ties with her health. "I didn’t exercise and smoked two packets of cigarettes a day. The first thing I did in the morning was get coffee and reach for my cigarettes. I was coughing all day," recalled the 60-year-old, whose bad health habits began from the age of 18.

In managing her ties with her goal to have better health, step number two found her admitting, through a letter that her goal "wrote" to her, that she was having a “destructive” relationship with her health.

In steps three and four: A wonderful family (husband and children) plus not wanting to be a “weak, sick old woman” became her reasons to care. These days, the resident of Sausalito, in San Francisco Bay, draws in fresh sea breezes rather than nicotine.

The minimum requirement, she stressed, is an "I’m in", or good, relationship. At this level, you’re enthusiastic about achieving a goal and will go all out to do it. But with "conditions", she added.
"You’re intellectually committed but emotionally protective —what people see or think of you if you fail matters to you."

However, in a great relationship, you are "bound emotionally" as well, she said. "You’ll do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to get it done. This is not 'the' goal but 'my' goal. It’s the difference between renting a house and owning one."

Citing her own experience, she recalled her first assignment to open AsiaWorks’ Taiwan market and to be a consultant to its new manager, Ms Emily Loo. The goal: To grow the market from start-up to stability in three years.

Over-eager, she rattled off her own list of plans and scenarios. The next day, an ashen-faced Ms Loo quit as she felt she was "not the one to do the job". Ms Poulos changed tack: She discussed Ms Loo’s goals and her relationship to them instead.

The result was "exponential growth" and Ms Loo became AsiaWork’s first Asian vice-president and board member.

To be sure, there were lots of bad days on their way to success. But that only fuelled their personal commitment to their goals, Ms Poulos said.

"The journey was a blast. The highs are higher and the lows are lower but you are alive."

Goal management
1. Define your goal, whether it’s home, health, work or a project.

2. Ask where you are in your relationship with that goal: Do you say, "I’m in and fully committed" (great), "I’m in" (good), or do you feel apathetic or resistant (everything else)?

3. Find a reason to care about that relationship, be it with your family, kids or success.

4. The minimum you should aim for is a “good” relationship. The best: A great relationship. Commit to substituting “the” goal for "my" goal. Work at the bond.